all i see

words. she looked for the right words. the perfect verbs and tenses to fit into the tight spaces of the compact sentence that she saw as her statement. her confession. she loved the idea of falling. "everything that goes up always comes down. they always have an ending. nothing can defy the laws of physics" and that's all she ever really wanted. an ending. a conclusion. from time to time, i'd find her pacing back and forth on the top of her apartment building in the middle of the night. no matter how deep the glass under her feet dug into her, she'd spend the whole night taking in every single minute and second, diving into the what if's and possibilities. she found it inconceivable for her to even think about having closure. she used to tell me about how badly she wanted to be like the wind. to be able to go wherever the world took her. carefree and content. here today and gone tomorrow. she wanted to disappear and one day, she did. they found her body in the parking lot of her apartment building with beautiful shades of red surrounding her. she was carefree and she was content. she found closure. she fell.

bravery

and just like that, it's gone. i trust you. i hope that this strikes you from the depths of your heart. the twelve feet deep ends of your mind and the never-ending veins that keep you alive. it's only been a short matter of time yet it feels like we've come so close to comfort. i understand you. i feel you. i've never treasured time or looked at it as anything of value until i began to spend it with you. i love you? i like you? regardless of whatever those words mean, the emotions and feelings speak so much more. my heart feels so much more than what's said. talk is cheap. words are useless. as much as a person could mean them, as much as you and i could mean the things that we let slip past our lips, they hold nothing of intimate value to either of us until our actions prove their authenticity. i never thought it'd come this far and i still find it hard to accept that i belong to someone. i belong to you. i belong with you. i belong. i finally belong. that's all i ever really wanted.

julien pacaud