the other side of the door

this heart pumps more than just blood. these veins carry love, hope, worries, prayers that they would continue to carry on, and frequent requests to stop functioning overall. these past few days have been filled to the brim with nothing but grief and pure insanity. i was never good with handling racing thoughts. racing heartbeats. i never was able to fully comprehend the workings of my mind. my thoughts kept intertwining with the fantasies of my heart, choking and gripping my soul. reality kept puncturing holes throughout my head. work work work. go out. study. eat. whatever it took to keep the monsters away. whatever it took for them to stop eating away at my mind. they're after me and they're out to get me, emily. and this whole time, for three weeks, i was scrambling on my knees looking for reasons and excuses to stay. but now that the cat's out of the bag, they're out to take me down. and the worst part is that i just got up. emily, i just started running.