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every time i think about that Man who gave His life up for me, i become completely undone. i am wrecked whenever i gaze upon His beauty. thinking about how much i've strayed away from this marvelous selfless Man and His love for me, i tear up. while He hangs from the cross, i'm sitting here smoking cigarettes and spitting out foul words. what the hell am i doing? what have i learned for the past 2 years? how many times does this Man have to come down to save me? how many times am i going to tell myself that i'm going to get myself together then run back to my old sins? when am i going to leave everything behind and run after Him? this isn't right and this wasn't how it was supposed to be. i'm so sick of constantly being beat up by this world and losing my grip. i'm sick of losing my Father. i'm sick of Him crying and hurting over me. what am i going to do with myself..