a letter

luring. she was radiating. radiation of some kind. like poison. like venom to the throat. a killer. she was a killer. a python. a rattlesnake positioned to bring death. we were dangerous. we had so much to say and so much to feel, yet so frightened. so nervous. so tense. emily, if i could bottle up the angst and send it to you, i would. but i'm afraid there's no bottle to this size, darling. the sea can only carry so much. i'd send a ship out to wherever you went and i would never be able to find you. i could send a million scuba divers, but our hearts will never be found underneath the blues of this ocean. they were dark times. we were in dark times when we met. time and time again, i think of you and i wonder if we ever could have been what we wanted to be. we would've been what we could've been only if we tried. only if we allowed ourselves to, but we didn't. so we weren't. we never became the thing that we longed so much for and i'm sorry. i'm sorry for kicking you out again but the timing wasn't right. we weren't right.