there is a world inside of me.

maybe it's time to stop hating and start loving. why does this always seem to happen to me? as soon as a feeling of malice comes over me, a conviction to love grips my heart. what's unfortunate is that i don't remember the last time i've loved. i can't seem to recall the last time i've told someone that i truly and passionately felt something deep for them. something that words and music cannot express. something that goes past the external and sinks deeper than the internal. i am a cold hearted cynical bitch in every sense of the word. i'm too practical and i overanalyze things way too much. i spend my days taking situations apart and trying to understand them piece by piece. even when it comes to art, i can never appreciate the work as a whole, but rather through  the small pieces that make up the big picture. i wish i could stop looking at the worst in people and start loving them for what they do best. i want to love, but it's almost as if my mind won't let me. i've turned into this manipulative heartless being and i'm afraid it's too late to turn back.