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there's something about being underwater that i love so much. it's the closest i get to death. thirty seconds deep and i come back up. sometimes, i wonder how much longer i have to spend to cut off all oxygen. i wonder how easy it is for my lungs to collapse. i rarely ever had a reason to come up. i never had a reason until a certain day. my father was calling my name, waiting at the edge of the pool. i was underwater. shaking. waiting for the rush of water to fill my lungs. "Jamie.. Jamie. Jamie." i looked up to see a blurry yet clear smile. i went up and took in a deep breath. i looked at my dad and smiled. i rarely ever had a reason to come up. i never had a reason until a certain day. my father was calling my name, waiting at the edge of the pool. i came up. it's always good to come up. it's always good to have a reason.