are we going where we planned to go? tell me, is this what we really wanted? are we doing this the right way? i feel exhausted. i feel hopeless and sometimes, i wonder if we started this off with the right intentions. i question us too much. i have too many doubts and i hate myself for doing so. i absolutely detest that i have so many trust issues because it's not fair to you. it's not fair to us. i promise that i'm trying my best to break through and i'm sorry that i'm making it so hard for the both of us. i hold so much in because i don't want to be a burden. everything and everyone i try to keep close to me always somehow run away from me. i'm aware of the fact that you've only scratched the surface of who i am, but i hope to God that you don't run away like everyone else did when they saw my deeper layers. i hope that you still feel the same way as you did when we first met because sometimes, it doesn't feel like you do. but i'm trusting that you do.
"We never need to say anything to each other when we're together. This is- for the time when we won't be together. I love you, Dominique. As selfishly as the fact that I exist. As selfishly as my lungs breath air. I breathe for my own necessity, for the fuel of my body, for my survival. I've given you not my sacrifice or my pity, but my ego and my naked need. This is the only way you can wish to be loved. This is the only way I can want you to love me. If you married me now, I would become your whole existence. But I would not want you then. You would not want yourself-and so you would not love me long. To say 'I love you' one must first know how to say the 'I'."
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